A tasty theory on choosing Curiosity

I’ve been thinking about my underlying theme for quite some time. It’s something I chew on for a while, just to see what the flavor is like. Does the flavor last? Does it wear out and get boring quickly? I’ve tasted the themes like, most recently, acceptance. Acceptance tastes good. When you accept yourself for who you are, and accept others for who they are, it opens up space for something new to evolve. However, the taste started waning. After a while of chewing on acceptance, I felt the flavor of dictating. Dictating acceptance is not something I want to do. Hey you… you…. accept yourself. Accept me. What is this all about? Is it about people accepting me? I wonder. Then acceptance loses it’s taste.

I have found the thing in life that really kills the flavor in anything I’m doing… whether it’s a job, or a relationship, or a sport, or a creative endeavor. The thing that plagues me the most is Boredom. I simply can’t handle it. What is boredom? For me, it’s when I’m no longer challenged. When I’ve accomplished something, I’ve learned it, I’ve completed it, and there’s nothing left.

In the past, I’ve reached boredom with, for example, a business. I’ve encountered a ton of problems, and solved them, and dug in to the root of problems until I uncover everything I have control over, fix it, then what’s left is the stuff I don’t have control over. How do I then evolve? What to do next? It’s necessary to clear out space to see what will fill in. Like, you’ve finished the meal. Chewing, chewing, chewing on the flavors and the food. After the chewing you swallow, then digest and ultimately transform and expel what you’ve consumed.

A consumer of problems. I eat them. I pick out the bones, the things I can’t control, toss them to the side and focus on what I can chew. Boredom comes when I finish the meal. But, never satisfied. Always still hungry.

When I’ve reached that point in the past, I’ve blown things up to create that space. In a business of the past, I didn’t dig deeper, I didn’t realize that my boredom was caused by clouded curiosity. I thought the ‘other thing’ was the problem. Clearly, the business I created. Unconsciously, I blew it up. If you blow something up, you’re left with a big mess. And a bunch of problems. Enough problems to chew on for many years to come. Enough to feed the hunger.

What is the hunger? What’s driving this need to not be bored, to solve problems, to get to acceptance, to understand what’s in my control and what’s not?

When it’s hunger, It’s insatiatable. It consumes. It destroys, picks apart, masticates, digests, and expels. It, by it’s very nature, destroys.

What’s the oppostie of that hunger? Something equally as satisfying, but not something that consumes. Something intimately intertwined with hunger, but distinctly different. Something… positive.

I have chosen to see my hunger as destructive. It seems counterintuitive to see something that involves ‘solving problems’ as destructive. I see, though, that it can be. It’s the solving that’s the eating, consuming, breaking down, destroying. The un-doing. The doing by un-doing.

The opposite of that is creating. Creating the meal. Coming up with what to eat. Thinking about the flavors, how they might combine to make something delightfully yummy. That is curiosity. That’s the building. The creating, the positive. Building connections, deepening connections. Building business, letting it have problems. Solving problems by building more, rather than destroying.

I have chosen curiosity.